lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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