I need to stop coming to work sober
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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