We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
