Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
