the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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