My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
