I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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