he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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