PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
