just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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