it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Less talking, more tequila
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
