Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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