I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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