I just pynch a tree in the face
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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