so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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