does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
