I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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