Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I still have a little drunk in my system
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
