You're my little dorito
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
