i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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