his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
