i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
