Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
