we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
