Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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