I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
