My friends, they love my intelligence
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
