No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
