No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
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this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
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I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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