let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
