ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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