It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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