yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
