Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
