i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize