That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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