So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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