and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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