Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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