She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
