can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
