Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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