You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
