I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My bed smells like the plague
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
