1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
