so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
