Even water is tasting like jack daniels
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
