just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
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