There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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