elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No subtext here. People are naked.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
