watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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