im about as happy as oj after his trial
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
