Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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