There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
