Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...