In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul