You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.