Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
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Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
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Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.