She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
