Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
