Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
