Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
