I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My balls are so social today.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
