he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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