It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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