You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you didnt know i had herpes?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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