Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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