***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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