Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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