I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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