i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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