i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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