So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
