i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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