I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
