she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
