Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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