At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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