So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
