My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
