I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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