john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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