i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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