i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you never un-have a 4some
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
