Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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