that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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