Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
